just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
