Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
