So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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