my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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