can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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