He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
