I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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