I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
