okay pat passed out under dana's car
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
