you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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