Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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