I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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