If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
