My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
