Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
