Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
