no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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