be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
