So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
