I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
