If i come over, it means nothing
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
