Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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