come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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