Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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