I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
