What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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