Only a mothe r could love this liver
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
