Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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