Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
