you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
