direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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