There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I puked a lego.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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