Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
