is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
