I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize