Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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