found the other keg... it's in the tree
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
