oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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