Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
