i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
