I CAN MOONWALK!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
