What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
