soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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