3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
