I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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