This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
