I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
