I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize