please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
