who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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