Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
