Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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