I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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