I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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