My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
