I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
