You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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