I met the friendliest cop last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
