I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
