HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
