Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
