How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
