i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
