i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
