Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
