why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
