on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
