dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
