I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
