So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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