Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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