The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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