i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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