If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
