I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
