so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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